S2E28: Finding Wholeness Within With Emily Smith

Author of Wholeness Within and podcast host at Guide to Wholeness, Emily Smith is the go-to spiritual career coach who helps high-achieving women heal from their past so they can create fulfilling careers, starting with instilling self-confidence.

Guest Bio:
Emily coaches her female clients through major life transitions by providing space for them to navigate their emotions and rebuild their sense of worthiness and faith. Over the years, she has developed a unique methodology to release trapped emotions, combined with strategies to shift the subconscious mind, in order to fully embody life changes on a mind-body level. Her expertise has been featured in Bustle, Thrive Global, Thought Catalog, and Authority Magazine. She connects with a wide audience across the world through her daily LinkedIn Posts.

When she isn’t connecting with her clients, Emily takes pleasure in traveling the world and experiencing different cultures, making new connections, discovering new spots in nature to hike with her rescue pup, and discussing astrology and the universe.

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/guidetowholeness/

LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/emilymsmith1/

Book a free 20-minute career strategy call: http://www.talktoemily.com

Buy the book:
wholenesswithin.us

Maryann Samreth 0:00

Welcome to mental breakthrough, a mental health podcast about owning our most vulnerable stories. As a reminder, we are all human. I'm MaryAnn Samreth, trauma training coach, founder of sincerely Miss Mary and your host. This season I bring in healers, coaches, therapists and writers in the mental health and thought leadership space to share their stories of overcoming their shadows, to get to a place where the light shines again. These are trauma survivors, mental health advocates, spiritual guides, coaches, and first and foremost, human beings, reminding us to be softer and kinder to ourselves, so we can then meet others with the same compassion. The power and sharing our truths with the world gives permission for others to feel safe experiencing theirs. As a disclaimer, this podcast is not a replacement for trauma informed therapy. But as always, you can find mental health resources on my website at www that sincerely, Miss mary.com Hey everyone, I have been in Portugal for the past month having my own Eat Pray Love journey. I am now back sharing bi weekly episodes and I can't wait to share today's episode interview with Emily Smith. Emily is one of my dear friends. She is a go to spiritual career coach who helps high achieving women heal from their past so they can create fulfilling careers starting with instilling self confidence. She is also the author of wholeness within which comes out today, I'll add the link to my show notes for you to order. In this episode, Emily shares her journey from soul healing with a shaman to healing her relationships with her family and how she reached wholeness within what I loved about our interview is Emily sharing her journey of healing the soul when you have had trauma, you heal the mind the body and the soul and soul healing involves Eastern practices, spirituality, indigenous practices, and she takes us on that journey. It's very very interesting to listen to. I personally have not really done any soul healing so it's it's powerful to hear someone take us through their journey. She also reads an excerpt from her memoir at the end of the episode so please stay tuned to the end. I hope you all enjoy listening to Emily's story.

Hi, everyone, welcome to Mental breakthrough Podcast. Today I have a very special guest I have Emily Smith. She is a go to spiritual career coach who helps high achieving women heal from their past so they can create fulfilling careers. She's also the author of her memoir, wholeness within which I cannot wait to read. And she's the podcast host of guide to wholeness. Hi, Emily, how are you doing?

Emily Smith 3:12

Hello, Maryann, so good to be here with you. I'm excited to chat.

Maryann Samreth 3:17

Yeah, I am so excited. I feel like we have so much to talk about. We have so many similarities, that you know, our healing journey and our career journey. Career toxicity which I guess that too, which we'll talk about. But yeah, like I I would love to hear your story. Like, tell me about how you became the spiritual healing person you are today.

Emily Smith 3:41

Yeah, well, very similar to you. You know, I had to really, really brush up with the darker aspects of life and myself in order to be led to the light. So I was essentially a walking open wound in my early 20s You know, living with a patterns and traumas that my parents passed down to me the patterns that society had laid out for me and you know, I was very disempowered, disillusioned, I was this high achiever. Like, I've always been this very driven person, although, you know, I think growing up I think the perfectionism was like a coping mechanism, but Oh, yeah. Yeah. And so but my energy in being high achieving wasn't directed toward a pursuit that would actually bring me joy. I just saw people in my family and I went to a business school for university. Go the corporate path. live abroad, my dad that you know, we moved from Scotland to the US. So I saw that and traveled a lot for work and I saw people climbing the ladder but all doing it like not being happy, right, by the way, so. So yeah, I lived in London, New York City, trying to go to all these different cities to see like, hey, Why am I not happier? I still had this like hole within me. It just felt like numb. And I was actually when I started on my career path out of college, where I started getting really bad anxiety and I was taking prescription medication for the first time. I was drinking while on that was you're not supposed to do and did that too. Yeah. Yeah, you're not supposed to make those. And I'm like, Yeah, well, you know, this guy. Got to do something. And, and overall, just doing all those things to be like, emotionally unavailable to myself, essentially. So I didn't have to feel anything.

Maryann Samreth 5:45

Yeah, that is powerful. Wait, you lived in Scotland? Like this was in college? Or like, in your childhood? In my childhood? I

Emily Smith 5:51

was born in Scotland. Yes. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. So you know, came here only I was actually only one. But my parents, yeah, they had an apartment on like, the Royal Mile and Edinburgh. And, but then, you know, I moved here, and I had this, you know, like, the immigrant kind of mindset that gets passed down. And, you know, that affects you as well. And so all these patterns really, like led me to look inwards because I kind of came to a point where it's like, I just keep doing the same thing over and over, and it's not working. So I really had to do are you familiar with human design? A little bit? Yes. So once I learned about human design, it's like a system of astrology and like the chakra centers. Once I learned that I was a reflector in that back to me. Yeah, so reflectors, there's like four different types. And reflectors are, like the smallest percentage, I guess, out of all the other tribes, but they operate differently, because they are reflecting patterns from around them, and like, not really having their own defined energy, which made so much sense for me, like I was always just like, looking around to see what other people were doing and like, do that. So it was initially really hard to like, get out of that loop and just define, like, what my life path I really want for myself, honestly, it took like years to get to that place of knowing. But, you know, once things get really dark, and you don't see a way forward, I think that's when a lot of people turn to spirituality as like, a way of moving forward and having more faith that things are going to work out.

Maryann Samreth 7:36

Yeah, that's really fascinating that that's what a reflector is because I'm a generator, so I'm

Emily Smith 7:42

like, Oh, I see that. Yeah. Like, I'll

Maryann Samreth 7:46

do like 20. Tic TOCs. Yes, like,

Emily Smith 7:50

love. It's just like, coming. Come Yeah, for sure.

Maryann Samreth 7:54

So how did you like, so like, you talked about having like, immigrant parents, what were some of the patterns that, you know, kind of attributed to, you know, kind of having living with these unprocessed like, you know, generational trauma being passed on to you? What was that experience? And what was it like growing up with it? Where are your parents Scottish? Or is that where they're born and raised? Or were they like, American?

Emily Smith 8:17

Why? Yeah, my so my dad was Scottish. And then my mom is French. So there's, like, different mindsets there, I guess you could say, but I always felt growing up like that I was an outsider, like, I was always just trying to fit in and be like, American, like, I just wanted to, you know, celebrate Thanksgiving and like, you know, do all the traditional things, but I always just like, felt like I am not, this isn't who I am. And also like very risk averse. So it was a huge I think shift in my family. Like when I started my own business and like, took this risk and even I think moving abroad when I moved to Lebanon, like that was a risk that like you know, when you're an immigrant, you just want to like make sure you get the job make sure you can stay in the country like don't do anything wrong. Don't like color outside of the lines. So that was like something I really had to let go of and be like, I can't live my life in this way of like trying to fit in and trying to just stay safe all the time. So that was like my healing process with that.

Maryann Samreth 9:23

Yeah, what so like, I didn't know your your mom was French because I have family like born and raised in France. Yeah, no idea. Yeah, so like one of my French cousin she's one of my best friends and she I mean the French culture is very reserved yes derivative keep to themselves that be like a fly in the wall. Like what was it? What was it like for you breaking out of that because I'm sure like your mom. You know, she's French. Like she's she has that French culture and in America, it's like quite the opposite. Like what was that? Like when When like you shifted you know grew career you said you shifted your consciousness like what was that like for your family? Because they're probably like so traditional right that oh my god

Emily Smith 10:09

yes like I love that you brought that up and that's really cool that we have that in common today. Another thing but yeah I think the whole emotions piece like growing up we didn't have conversations about emotions and Scott it Scotland's even I think more so like reserved so yeah the two of those together yeah like we didn't talk about emotions I was a very like creative like obviously I'm a highly sensitive person empath. And I just felt like I had to like shut everything down because it wasn't like received like, I it was just like too big like, that was like the messaging I could feel like incense on an energetic level like this is too much like how you're being this way. And my whole healing path has been in accepting myself for being that way. And and normalizing like, it's okay to cry and it's okay to express the huge thing like I've had to repair and heal the relationship is with anger because I think that was something like you're just not allowed to be angry. Or I saw my dad who was like very angry all the time. Like angry Scotsman kind of like stereotype but like, I didn't like that. So then I just thought, oh, angers like bad, like both of those messages. So. So that definitely plays a huge role as well, like cultural differences too.

Maryann Samreth 11:33

Yeah, I feel like like repressing anger causes rage. But that was mine. Just be like, I'd be like the commas first. And but then something's off. And then it's just like a 180. And then the rage.

Emily Smith 11:53

Marian, that definitely happened in my past. Like, I would just like scream at roommates in college, like, Oh, my God,

Maryann Samreth 12:00

I did that. Oh,

Emily Smith 12:02

my new roommate. Yeah. Yeah, we just come out of nowhere and just be like, Whoa, I didn't mean that, you know, like to come out like that. And that's when I kind of started realizing like, I would do that for like, so long. In my life. Most of my life is bottle everything up until one day, I would just cry hysterically at work. And it was just like, what, like, what is that from? And you know, having to really manage your own emotions, like to be aware that they're even there. That was like my most important part, I would say, like my healing path.

Maryann Samreth 12:35

Yeah. So when did you start, like realizing that you like, when did you start your healing journey? Like, when was that? Like? Did you have like a moment in your life where you're just like, I need to ask for help. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I need to learn to have healthier coping mechanisms. Was there, like a moment where that happened? Where you kind of had that breakthrough? Really, just like, You know what, I can't live like this anymore.

Emily Smith 13:00

Yes, absolutely. And I would say so after three years of like, this, like really dark pattern in my life, and like, job switching country moving like addiction, all these things. It was until like, end of 2017, where I was like, something needs to change because I keep making the same decisions, and I'm not getting the outcome I want. So I really like started the healing path, then I was already seeing a therapist for a year, like every week at that point. And then it's like one little thread led to another. So like, my therapist told me to go to a meditation center. That was, I guess, yeah, in the same town, and he recommended so I started going there. And then next door to the meditation center, there was this alternative healing center with like, all these different healers, and I just would see it and be like, I should just go there. And then I got Reiki there. And then I was led, the Reiki practitioner practitioner had essential oils, and then I started working with that. So it was like, once I made that decision, like I need to really start looking and healing because all through all this I was burned out as well. Like, I had no energy to maybe you can really like just try to even do day to day things like it would just take so much energy to like make a doctor's appointment or like try and do admin things. It was like, I can't do this. So I was like, I have to really get this place of peace inside of myself so that I can just like live my wife. And that was my whole motivation was like I need to feel peace because right now I don't feel good. I also had stopped drinking in 2016. So I think that really helped me like get clear on like, Okay, I don't have that crutch anymore. Like, I need other tools like and I need to deal with everything that I've shoved down emotionally for 10 plus years.

Maryann Samreth 14:56

Wow, how did this I'm also just like, I also I, like did my healing journey in 2017 when we started going to a meditation so

Emily Smith 15:09

we which one in New York?

Maryann Samreth 15:11

It's in Chelsea, I think it was like, called Kadapa or something. Oh, yeah, yeah. Did you ever go to that one?

Emily Smith 15:19

I didn't go to it. But I did go to mindful in Greenwich Village, I

Maryann Samreth 15:25

think, oh, yeah, yeah.

Emily Smith 15:27

That's like, how I started meditating was going there, right? In New York,

Maryann Samreth 15:31

when you start that you just keep going. No turning back, and it just opens like your eyes to like, a new way of living. And for me it like it definitely shifted how I viewed my career at the time, how did it shift the way? You know, you viewed your work? I know like you've experienced a lot of like work toxicity. And you worked in New York City, you worked in London, like those are, you know, big cities, where I'm sure there's a lot of like work drama there. What was your experience of, you know, kind of breaking out of that? And, you know, kind of reclaiming your autonomy again? Oh, I

Emily Smith 16:09

love that. Yeah, definitely. A lot of toxicity. And I really had to why I started meditating in New York City was because I just felt like so anxious all the time, I realized at that point, I was a highly sensitive person. And like, all the sounds like that were always going on, were just like, my nervous system was always on, like high alert. And so that's what led me to meditation. And I continued to find ways of healing and being like, so I started eating vegan, and all those things do is really clarify to you like, what you want out of your life, and what's in and out of balance. So I knew that I couldn't go back to an environment where it was very, like high pressure, where I would just like be replaying these patterns, I had to like, interrupt that pattern. So I just really started taking part time jobs at first and doing things like admin work, and also helping out like family, friends who had businesses like doing their marketing, or like helping them with their admin, and like just doing these things, to feel good about myself and build up confidence in myself again, and also working with coaches as well, to really have these tools for self inquiry of like, what do I want to be doing while I'm doing these little jobs, I want to be figuring out like long term what I want to transition to. So it's funny that I was actually in 2019, even still doing like, I would do temp work, just because it was like, This is not a long term commitment. Like, I don't have to feel the pressure of like, Oh, my God, like, I had all these like stories, I had to let go of like, I need to stay at this company, like, five years. And then I had this trauma of like, oh, I only stayed at this one company, like, five months, like, that's gonna look so bad on my resume. And it was just like, you know, you have to, like get out of like, all those like, stories, they tell you, like, you can't have gaps on your resume. You can't do this, like all this stuff. And then I made my way back to marketing, which is what I love and what I'm good at. And so I do marketing and branding now, but it took so much of healing, and really, really getting clear on where, like, what environment am I going to thrive in, like, what's gonna match my personality, my values, my skills and go from that perspective, rather than me trying to fit in somewhere else like with what they got going on? Yeah,

Maryann Samreth 18:46

so did you step away from like, when you're, you know, going through, you're taking on these like, temp job these these little jobs? Did you like step away from like, a corporate job to take time to do that? Yes, yeah,

Emily Smith 18:58

I left my last corporate job, which is funny. It was like a solar eclipse or something, which I think like eclipses represent. Something gets eclipsed out of your life. At that point, I

Maryann Samreth 19:12

did not know that this. I didn't know that. I need to go back to my timeline. And I got laid off.

Emily Smith 19:19

Yeah, it's crazy, like, so this was August of 2017. And I remember it was a solar eclipse. And they even like, at the company gave us some kind of glasses or something. Look out the window. And I'm like, Yeah, I need to leave like I

Maryann Samreth 19:34

saw your future. And it was that at that point.

Emily Smith 19:38

And that was it. And then yeah, and then that's what led me on the path and everyone around me thought I was crazy. I felt very alone. But I think you know, sometimes you have to do that and build that like your own confidence in yourself like without needing anyone and then that's when I made the transition to like taking me jobs and just rewriting my relationship with work which had been so toxic and damaged for so long that I one point I never saw myself like going back because I was like, I cannot put myself through that. But you can find the right environment like when you heal yourself. Yeah, I

Maryann Samreth 20:19

love that. And I love that you're us, you know, made the choice to step out of that, you know what you knew to take the time to learn what you wanted, because I think we truly need like, and there's no shame around like temp jobs or part time jobs or anything. Like that's what people you know, like, need to understand they can fall back on if they want to rebuild a career because I think we definitely need space, time RAS to be able to learn what we want, and you're able to, you know, uncover like what made you you know, light up inside, being able to take space and be in like, you know, a season of stillness to understand what you want it because so many of us, we keep going and going and going. And for me like, I was working at Tommy Hilfiger, and in relation to the other places, Tommy was my nine to five very relaxed job. And that gave me that space to explore other things like I had, I had a nine to five normal job to have a hobby in which yes, when it's terrifying, were you terrified when you're able to like, like, have time to explore where you're, like, excited when you're going through that season?

Emily Smith 21:29

Really? That's a good question. I think I was terrified. I had like heart palpitations, I had so much anxiety. I remember. I actually so I was seeing a therapist, and then I was on medication. And I'm like, I still feel this like crippling anxiety of like, what do I do with my life, like, existential level, and he was like, the therapist is like, You should go see this psychologist, and then he'll do an evaluation. And he's a wizard, apparently. And I went, and I was telling him about these heart palpitations. He's like, I've never heard of that. And I'm like, Oh, God, this is not good. So I think from from that, like perspective, it's like in my life, up until that point, I always had a path, like, go to school, okay, graduate, go to college, you can graduate, like be in this corporate job. I was in a graduate program in there. And then this was the first time where I was like, Oh, you can choose what you want to do. And it's like, oh, I have to take that responsibility. Like I that's totally terrifying. Yeah. So I was definitely scared. But I'm really, really glad that I gave myself that permission. And that time, because I wouldn't be where I am today. Without that, and I totally agree, people need that space and time to get clear before just bringing all this energy from their last experience into their new chapter.

Maryann Samreth 22:53

Yeah, that makes so much sense. And I love that and I love your path. And how did you like think of mixing spirituality into career coaching?

Emily Smith 23:04

Great question. Yeah, so I before was very much focused on like, integrative life coaching, which is taking into account like, all the body systems are working together. So like, your physical body, your mental, your emotional, and your spiritual. And what I learned in this certification is that your spiritual energy is actually like, the most important center because it gives like fire and fuel to the other centers. So yeah, and so like, once I understood that, I mean, I was always coaching people on finding work that, like, lit them up. And really, I wasn't just like, saying that in my messaging that people would just like, obviously gravitate to me, because they were like, I need to be doing something with my life that I love doing. But what's funny is when people come to me about their career, it's like more so about their lifestyle and then making the career fit that then like, here's what job you should be doing, you know what I mean? creating it from like your inner world, like your values and like how you view the world so that it has this like really deep meaning to you. That's the piece where like the spirituality comes in, and where I've learned that in my own experience, like I find so much meaning in my work and my coaching and my full time job that before I had a spiritual practice or connection like I could not get connected at all I did not see the point of like going into the office and like working on a computer. I was like, This is so wrong, like, you know and so, but when you understand the deeper meaning and you align with the right role and path for you, it makes a world of a difference.

Maryann Samreth 24:48

Wow. That is such a fascinating approach and something that I feel like we should have like gone through in college, right? I wish good career. Did you have any like specific clients that kind of did a 180 on their career that you kind of led them to their purpose. And then they just kind of picked something that, like made sense for them. It was a complete one AB.

Emily Smith 25:12

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's funny that most of my clients actually have come to me from, like a finance background. I don't know why. But yeah, so I had a client and he, and obviously, this was actually a lot of it was happening during 2020. Because like the pandemic, people were getting laid off. And this is what happened with this client. They were in the real estate industry and like commercial real estate, and that just like, completely crashed, and they were someone else connected within a career group, like months prior, they were like, I'm sure that real estate is what I'm supposed to be doing. Like, I'm completely sure. And then this happened. And I was like, well, we need to like view this as it's happened for a reason. Like, this is not random. Like, once you view your experiences like that, you can just like accept them and take that info and make a better decision. And I really had her like, look at everything that she's passionate about, like, That doesn't even make sense. So she was like, Oh, I love making like these creative videos. Like sometimes I just, like put music with it. And I like doing that. And I like doing social media. She had her own like side business with social media. And then just like taking all that and moving it into like a marketing role, which was like marketing, real estate companies. So it was like, oh, yeah, it's like, wow, I don't even need to change like industries, you just need to change, like, the way you're doing it like a slight shift, which that's happened for me on my own path. It's like, I used to work in corporate marketing and work with clients. And then now I work like in house and do the marketing for a company. It's just like a totally different experience. So sometimes you don't even need to change, like total industries or jobs like you just like the way that you're doing it.

Maryann Samreth 26:59

Yeah, that's, that is so fascinating, and so cool that you're able to just help people shift their perspective in the in the lens where they're viewing themselves, like they're putting themselves first that is so cool. And like so, so needed, and when you will feel alive and your work and your purpose that also just, you know, is parallel to your healing journey, too. And I know that's something that you kind of dove deeper into as you became more aligned, what your career you became, you know, led you to a deeper path of healing and you did shamanic healing and plant medicine. Can you talk about, you know, just your experience going into further deeper spiritual healing?

Emily Smith 27:41

Oh, yes, I would love to. So I tried all the Western care. Like I did the therapy, I was going to a doctor, I was I changed to a vegan diet. I was like, exercising, like I had everything like I was doing from that point, I still felt super off. Like I just knew something was, like I like I was saying I had been drinking using drugs for like, 10 plus years. And everything that was like, the reason why I was doing that was just there, like, sitting around me, like the codependency that I had with my family, and like the low self worth I had, and I was just like, carrying that all around with me. And you know, like, once you've tried everything, and it's not working, like you're willing to try some, like new approaches, yeah, willing to do anything. And so like, I was saying, I was having this like, really unclear path before me. And I was like, fine, this person that's always known. And this is like, very unsettling. So my entire identity had fell apart my career like my family, my friendships. And so I was introduced to the essential oils when I was at a Reiki session, which is also something new for me. And I was just like, I need some energy balancing. And the essential oils, I learned were super helpful because they worked with your subconscious to clear patterns. So like when you smell in an oil, it's really working with your limbic system when your sense of smell.

Maryann Samreth 29:14

I didn't know that. Yeah.

Emily Smith 29:18

I know. So the limbic system is like, your seat of emotions, and like where you're storing all this stuff. And so I just found that that was super healing for me, especially someone who's like, very sensitive and, and feeling were as like, sometimes talking or, you know, like trying to think through things just doesn't make sense. So that was like one way of healing on an energetic level. And then the shamanic healing is also an energy healing. So it's like, basically in shamanic healing, you're traveling to different layers of consciousness and energy. So I think in shamanic healing, it's called like the upper world, the Middle World and like the lower world and They're going in there like a shaman and communicating with the different spirits to make changes. And what I'm like learning from all this is that everything is on an energy level. So you can change like your outer world, when you're influencing the energy. And sometimes like that is like the origin of the situation. So I was literally called to these plants like to the plants and like from the meditation center, like just following that thread. But I realized, like real change and real healing, like has to happen with the energy furnace.

Maryann Samreth 30:34

Yeah, that is fascinating. Because like, because I've done like, mostly western to in like, we have to heal mind, body and soul to move forward from trauma and like, westerns, great for mind. And somatic is great for body but like the soul, like that's something that no one talks about. And that's what shamanic healing and sitting with plants is right. It's like Healing Your Soul.

Emily Smith 30:58

Yeah, exactly. That exactly that no one talks about the soul healing and I think people are like, unfamiliar with that. But I, I just know that like Eastern medicine is very, I think that's why we need both like, medicine is very focused on like, the soul level and addressing that. And so I think, yeah, like, once you have your soul energy that's like the fire that can really like create the change in your life.

Maryann Samreth 31:23

Yeah. What is that? Can you take us through what that you know, maybe an example of like, one of your soul healing journeys that you've had that that was profound and kind of like life changing?

Emily Smith 31:33

Oh, my gosh, okay. What is one, let me see here. So I write about this in the book. So I'll give like a overview of it. I had a shamanic healing during a time where, like, I was saying, I was just feeling so alone, because, you know, I'm sure you're familiar. Like, once you have this spiritual connection, and you're on a healing path, like, you're so excited about it. And like, if you have people who are not excited about around you, you're just like, oh, man, like I'm alone. And like, no one gets, like just me. And I was feeling like that. And so what the shaman showed me was that she could see in my energy that like, there was like a moon like a moonlight. And it was a really dark forest. And she was like, basically saying, this is like grandmother moon, like this spirit. That represents like, even if you feel like you're on this dark path, and it's never ending the Moon is always there like lighting your path like an illuminating you and like shining a light on you supporting you. And that spoke to my soul. Wow. Going back to the reflector things to and human design like reflectors authority is the moon, which at that point, I don't think I knew. So it was like, this is like how I get energy and make decisions is wait a full lunar cycle. So so it kind of all ties together. But she also like cold in a few different animal spirits. So she saw, like a frog come through and she was seeing like, the frog is representative of like, leapfrogging to a new lily pad, like, metaphorically, but really, like, you can make those leaps to like completely new realities, like you're not stuck. And you have like that, for to, to to do that. So there were more animals and a deeper like, longer piece that I won't go into now about like my relationship with my mother, and how that energy was like living in my energy body. So I talked more about that in the book. But that's just some examples of like, how I really started being connected to animal spirits and learning different, like spiritual lessons and science or my intuition on what to do next, like through animals and what I see.

Maryann Samreth 33:54

Wow, where does Where does one find a shaman? America.

Emily Smith 33:59

I found her on Yelp, which is so funny. I literally was like, I'm sure she did this remotely. So I'm sure you can find someone remote. But she, she was a shaman in Boston. And I had this intuitive feeling that I needed a soul retrieval, which was basically I felt like a piece of my soul was missing. Like I didn't feel whole and so she was helping me like get the pieces of myself back that sometimes you can lose through trauma and which I had like growing up like medical trauma, things like that where your piece of yourself is just like I have to go like hide and like go somewhere else. This is just like too much. That was like what prompted me to go reach out for this type of healing.

Maryann Samreth 34:50

Wow, I'm getting goosebumps because I read that like if you have experience, you know, trauma that your Soul Split, I think his body they talked about your soul splitting Wow. And how well I don't think Bessel van cook ever talks about how to retrieve it he just leaves you hanging cuz I was like, Oh, I think that happened to me. But there's no

Emily Smith 35:16

yes, Shaman like, that's how maybe try Yelp like I I've actually, I've since looked, I don't think she practiced more than women I worked with. But that I think is that like, how else would you get that back? You know?

Maryann Samreth 35:31

That's so fascinating. And how has like sitting with plants that helped you in your healing journey? Cute, because I know you're a big plant medicine guru. What does that experience been? Like for you?

Emily Smith 35:43

Yeah, I mean, I have always been connected like, deeply to nature growing up, like, I think, you know, then I went through the typical path, like working corporate go to college. And like, you forget that there's this connection that I came back to, in into myself. But plants are all like, made up of vibrations. And plants have their own spirits too. So I think once you understand, yeah, they're like people. So like, essential oils, each herb or flower that you use has a different quality, like a different type of friend, like a person that you need in that moment. And I have done plant medicine with psychedelics this year, which has also been very, very, very healing. And I think it comes to you in the time of your life, like when you're ready for it, and you can handle it. And because a couple years ago, I really wanted to do I lost. And that was something I was like, I think this is gonna be like, the answer to my healing and healing was trauma. But every time I tried to do it, like, never worked out. So this came up very organically, like came to me, and I've had a few ceremonies that have been very, very intentional, like, clear, you know, intentions of going in of what I want out of it. And they've all like really been a coming home to myself, like being able to accept myself and like, see the different beliefs that I picked up, like from growing up that were not correct at all, and do it in this like safe way. And integrate those learnings. And not only that, but get super, super clear on like, what is I need to do next in my life and like having this support all happened from like, surrendering to like for mushrooms, for example, like going into it and being like respecting the plant and saying, I'm going to get whatever it is that I meant to get out of it. And not trying to control it and force it. It's just not possible to work that way. But I've seen just so much growth and healing and more self love, just from those experiences both in like ceremonies and microdosing, as well.

Maryann Samreth 38:02

Wow, that's really powerful to experience. What does it feel like to be on psychedelics? And what what's that feeling of coming home to yourself?

Emily Smith 38:12

Yes, that's a great, great question. So I felt it as like just being so like, at peace and feeling like that sense of oneness. And just like, understanding that everyone is love, if that makes sense. So like, even if you were hurt, like by things your parents said, like, or beliefs that you understand, like, that wasn't their fault. Like you're literally able to see how they felt and how it was just like your interpretation of like, their pain. And I just had like, this profound experience where the first time I did it, I was like, getting messages from a tree, literally, like I was literally like, and it wasn't just me, it was like, other women in my group too. We're like, That tree is like giving us like, guidance. And it was like, crazy. Like, we each had like this grandfather tree, we're literally calling it and the tree was like, You are not a burden. Like, it was like I just like crying because it was like this is Oh, I've been holding that belief. Because as a child, I just like picked that up like you know from like, because you're a kid and you just like put that on and it was just like, I in that moment. I just like stood there holding the tree for like an hour. Like wow. So so like things like that. I think you just come out of it. And I've gotten very clear, just awareness on like my career path within my business. And in my full time work, which was like very surprising. I was like, not going into it thinking that and each time it's been very centered around that like, Oh, this is what you'll be doing and how you'll be doing it and just getting those visions so it's definitely helped me with the creativity. and taking action as well as like clearing out what's not working. So I'm excited for the future of psychedelics and like how that's being more integrated now with Western medicine that I'm seeing, and I'm having a lot of people on my podcast because again, this is like, I'm attracting this now like, yeah, people have like reached out to me like that do psychedelic retreats and psychedelic coaching. So I'm really excited for that as like, it's a very out of like any drug I would say it's like, the safest that you could do, as well. So I think that's important for trauma and therapy as well that you need something where you'll be safe doing it.

Maryann Samreth 40:40

Yeah. And it's funny because it's illegal but right you retrieve your soul so just interesting. So how has um, you know, doing plant medicine and you know, healing deeper allowed you to navigate your healing relationship? What your family like, did it allow you to humanize, you know, your family, your parents in a way that was more compassionate? Oh,

Emily Smith 41:04

my gosh, yes. Yeah. Because, you know, when I first woke up, and I described this in the book, like, I had this spiritual awakening, it's like, okay, I'm spiritual now. Like, I know, all these things, like, I want to help you, like, read this book, do that. And it's like, no, that's like, not how it works. So I just had to realize, like, I have an identity of my own outside of the family unit. That was like the first realization because I always just thought of myself as like, who I am in relation to my family, like, I'm the oldest, like, I'm taking responsibility, like, I was the one who just, and maybe you're familiar with this, like, the black sheep, like, yeah, the person that's like holding everyone's emotions, and like, taking it all as like a dumping ground. And I was like, Nope, I'm not doing that anymore. And that, like, creates a rift, obviously, because like, You're disrupting, like, something that's been working for everyone else, but not for you. And so. So yeah, I think then I was healing. And I had these new beliefs. And I started a business. And what I found that really helped was like working on healing your perception of your family, which all starts with you like purely your own healing of like, everything that's happened in your life, like everything that's happened with them. And at this point, you might need to go no contact in order to do the work. And separate a bit and just like get clear on like, what's yours? What's theirs, I had to go that route. And I, I've had to do that in the past, like, go, no contact with my dad growing up. And that was something that a therapist suggested to me. And so I was, you know, when it came up again, it was like, Okay, I know that that's an option. It's not the ideal option. Like no one wants to have to do that. It's the hardest thing that Yeah. But it is so worth it. I wouldn't have the positive relationship I have with my mom now. And I'm slowly on that path with my sister, if it wasn't my own healing of how I view them and how I view myself. Wow,

Maryann Samreth 43:09

I feel like no one tells us that that is an option. But I like that you say that it helped you build a stronger, more healing relationship with your family. Having done that was did you do? Are you doing that for a long time? And did it get easier over time?

Emily Smith 43:24

Yeah, I want to say it was almost almost like a year. Yeah. It was a year. And I think it was, it does get easier over time, it did interrupt a pattern, it did reset, like a new way of being and like, you have to get real clear on what you want out of the relationship, like, what you need out of it. What are your boundaries, and then re approach it with that? I think it's really hard to do that sometimes when you're in it. And like your family maybe isn't taking you seriously and like isn't respecting you and it's like, once you show them like no like, I mean business like this is how I what I need as a person. Like, you have to have that clarity yourself, which is like the same as like, the job piece. Like you need to have your awareness of what environment works for you and like what you're good at and what your needs. So. So yeah, if I hadn't done that, I don't think at all we would be in relationship and in a way that is so like, clear and healing now.

Maryann Samreth 44:31

Wow. And I love what you say like you healed the perception of your family. What was that experience? Like? What did that mean to you to perceive your family in a in a way that you're able to and set boundaries and be able to meet them where they're at?

Emily Smith 44:49

Yeah, that's a great question. So I think everyone has their own perceptions of like growing up like what they have about their mom or their sibling and I really had to heal, like my role in the family, I guess like, because I was like, I let myself be teased and like, not taken seriously. And then, once I changed my perception of myself, I was like, no, no, no, no, I am not that person. Like, I'm someone who just takes myself seriously. Like, I respect myself. And I'm like, not going to take that anymore. So then I had to look at, oh, well, you were doing that before because like, you allow that because like, that's what you were saying was true by yourself. So it's like a both healing of yourself, and then your perception of them. So I think I used to always be like, Oh, my mom was like, really clingy. And like, wants to always be with me. And it was like, I had to just be like, No, that's not the reality, like, because you can control your thoughts and reality. And I was like, Nope, I don't want that. So I just was like, okay, like, we have our time together. But I have a lot of space in my life for my relationships outside of that, and this isn't like the main one that's taking up all my energy, which it did used to be. So I think once you create your new vision for yourself, like you can bring that to life. And that's the perception piece, like you get to choose what you want it to look like,

Maryann Samreth 46:16

wow, that is so powerful. And I think that, you know, teaching people that they have authority over their perception of themselves, and also how people perceive them to that is very, very powerful. So I love I love the way that you put that and I am so excited to read your book, do you want to talk about you know, the process of writing your memoir, how long it took you and how you feel that's coming out?

Emily Smith 46:43

Oh my gosh, yes, I cannot wait for you to read it so much. I decided in 2018 that I was going to write this book and I was actually in a shamanic memoir workshop. That's amazing. It

was incredible. It was like this healing, creative studio. And basically, they took us this author who's memoir, author, and he's written a book called write your memoir. He took us through this like shamanic meditation. And basically, you'll be like, Okay, here's a place you see, like an environment and like, Who do you see in it, and I got this message from spirit that I was going to write a book, like it showed me a bag, and then what came out was a book and a pen. And I just kept following that nudge, like, Okay, I'll write what I think would be in this book. And I just had always like a Google Doc, that I was like, writing into, like my notes app on my phone, literally just like coming through like, okay, I'd write about this, about this. And then in 2019, I tried so hard to take this memoir course at like, an adult education center that I heard about was like, a six week memoir course. And I was like, the universe didn't want it to happen. I tried to go three times, there was no parking at all like, and they wouldn't pick up the phone, and I couldn't email them. And I was like, I just want to make this happen. But I knew is for a reason. So I just kept like my own, like writing and just like reading books about memoirs. And then in 2020, an alumni connection of mine in a Facebook group posted about a 12 week digital authors bootcamp that she was doing over the summer. And I was so clear, like, Yes, I'm doing this. And it was the support I needed from a woman who had created so much success with her own book and the support of her and the other women in the group, there's six of us, that continues to be so rewarding, like to have that just like just everyone supporting each other. We're all on our book paths, we still are like giving each other updates like that accountability has been everything. So that course helped me structure everything that I'd already written. And then get really clear on like, the vision of the book. And there's just like, all these exercises we went through, and we literally learned everything you needed to know about writing your own book, like, every detail and had guest speakers. But I was set at this point on traditional publishing because number one, I wanted to save my money. Like, I'd be like, Oh, great, like, I'll have someone pay me to write. Like, pay myself. So that was one reason but I also wanted to be really like, validated, like, I wanted to be like chosen and be like, okay, yes, like, this is a legit book, you know, but what I really wanted that was like, I just wanted it to be a really great quality and to reach a lot of people. So that was my thinking, but I kept researching and I even wrote a book proposal and had that already. But I learned that you don't have as much creative control like, which I really, really You need. And it was like making less money in the long run as publishing than you would self publishing. So it's also really hard to get a publishing deal because of this specific idea that they're looking for that will be like commercial success. So right i money. Yeah, exactly. It's about like, how many Can They Sell? So it's interesting, like, I completely changed my approach after like, going down that path for a bit. So I wanted to take those elements, though. So I found a company that does the whole publishing process for you instead of me piecemealing it all together, and like project managing and trying to find like my own editors, and like, that would take a lot of vetting and a lot more work. And so I saw authors like in my network, who had just released their books. And I just follow that thread. I was like, Oh, where did they publish this company with, and then I reached out, and then they referred me to another publisher, who I did go with. So this is like a publishing company that's doing it all for you for self publishing. And they're an all woman team. And I'm very, very happy that I made that investment in myself, because I realized, like, I'm worth that investment. And I love being the creative director, like, I guess, I need to have the final. Yeah. So. So it's my friend, Carol, she's written a book. And she said, like, writing a book is like a hero's journey. And I feel that so much, I just, I read through my book, and its final proofread version this weekend. And I just felt like on fire, like literally, I was like, sweating. And I was just like, so much energy. And when you see like your story all laid out, and like the lessons that you learn from it, that are going to change and shift people just from reading it, there's just no other feeling. It's just like, so clear, like, like, I was meant to do this. And,

and so that's, and that was the goal of the book is like helping people. The name of it is wholeness within, and insights from one woman's journey of creating a life and career in alignment. And it's just like that space of like, realizing that wholeness is within you, and you need to create your life from this space, which is like getting clear on everything that's inside of you and not outside of you.

Maryann Samreth 52:28

Wow, that is, that just sounds amazing. Well, congratulations, like the final edit. So it's real. It's here. What was like, pop? What was the most challenging thing about writing your memoir?

Emily Smith 52:41

Oh, I would say, I would say the editing piece, I guess, because I'd written so much I think like my first draft, because you're just like, you know, I want everything in here. And then it was like, the first round of edits is like the developmental edits. So that's like, the story like what do you need? What do you not need and it was like, hard to like, let go of some things and realize, okay, like, even though this is like a really good part was like, gonna go all into like, my sorority life. And Molly, our mutual friend, she's like, that could be a whole book in and of itself. And

Maryann Samreth 53:18

it's so funny. Yeah. And

Emily Smith 53:19

it was just like, hard to like, let go things. And I think that was probably the hardest because then you go through another stage of editing, after developmental the copy editing, and then I've gone through two rounds of proofreading. So I think that has been the most challenging piece, but then rewarding, because you see it at the end, and you're like, Oh, my God, this is perfect. Like, you have to like distill everything. Right? Yeah.

Maryann Samreth 53:47

Wow. What was the name of the publishing company that you worked with?

Emily Smith 53:51

Yes. So there Girl Friday media. I think they're like one of the most popular or like most reputable self publishing companies out there. They're based in Seattle, and I just really like that. It's also like an all women's Sneem because I'm just in the circles of like, women's group, like I was in that boot camp with all women and I work at a like all female led company and woman owned business. So it's just like, I think there's this real support there and something that's been supportive for me in my creative journey.

Maryann Samreth 54:27

Yeah, I love that. I love the writing community, like anywhere. Everyone is so supportive, and it still shocks me because I never got places I worked at, and it's all women to which is hey, that's amazing. I think when women are together where we are like an unstoppable force,

Emily Smith 54:46

oh my God, we are we are especially in writing to I think it's been a huge healing for my throat chakra. I wanted you to take off and just be like heal your throat chakra like write a book. Ah, because you just have to put it all out there. And it's like, people are gonna read this. And at first I was like, oh, no, like, like, you know, previous co workers are gonna see this or like, my family's gonna read it. And it's like, Wait, that's actually so freeing, because it's like, here's what I really feel. And you will get that. And I'm like, perfectly okay with it. So that's, that's a healing in itself.

Maryann Samreth 55:23

Did you have to take breaks while writing your memoir? Like when you're like, having to relive like, hard moments?

Emily Smith 55:29

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Definitely brought up a lot, even in just reading it over last weekend, it's just, you have to take breaks. And that's why I think it took me like, a few years, like, I would just have to, like, dive into those memories. And it's like, you know, to bring the story to like, you have to remember things. And what's interesting at first was like, I couldn't recall things like so my editor was like, Where were you when this happened? Or like, what was the timeline it was like, I kind of had blocked it out. So. So like actually writing it was like, helping me to like relive it and make peace with it and be like, okay, like that, clearly needed some more insight. And like, we're always on a healing journey, but just integrating it and seeing like, Okay, here's what happened. And then because my book is like, two parts, like the first part is the memoir. And then part two is like the framework of like, what you can do with healing based on that. So I think seeing your own like, past and like how you move through it like, that is also very, very healing.

Maryann Samreth 56:37

That is really, really cool. I love the structure of your book. And it's, it's definitely like somatic healing to like writing your memoir, because that's what I have. Because I'm writing I'm starting to write might well, I did, I don't know, I thought NaNoWriMo would be a good year good idea to write my memoir about childhood trauma, that was not a good idea to recommend that for anyone and doing more therapy now. It's so hard. It's so hard. It is really hard. But I commend you for finishing it. And I'm so proud of you. And I cannot wait to read your book.

Emily Smith 57:12

Oh, I can't wait for you to read it as well. And I agree. Like what you were saying it's somatic healing, because I think that's what happened when I was rereading it last weekend. Like, I just had everything like those feelings come up. And I felt like I was just like, healed. And like, I kind of get that feeling and breath work to where you're like vibrating because you just like, are releasing like all this energy. And it was like, I had that same like, and then after you feel like you're literally like, high on life, because really serve your body. So I love that.

Maryann Samreth 57:46

Like, I hope I get there when I whenever I finish my memoir. Awesome. Well, I have

Emily Smith 57:51

very excited for that too. Oh, yeah.

Maryann Samreth 57:54

It's definitely a process. i Yes, I was like this is like, because I was writing like 1000 words a day. And then, like, midway through November, I was like, I'm traumatized. Yeah. Yeah, it was hard to tap into, like all my somatic healing tools I'm learning in my certification class. So it is hard work. But yeah, so I have two final questions for you. Yeah. What do you wish the world has more

Emily Smith 58:24

of? So I wish the world had more awareness. I think this ties into the fact that I'm a reflector as well. So like, I'm always building up that awareness and perception. And I think that's why this book is really helpful because I share like awareness of like different programming that we get from TV shows or like, society, like the matrix or like, here's what you need to be successful. So I wish that people have more awareness of themselves and of others so they can make better decisions, and treat people better and overall, just have a better quality of life because you know, what's going on and you can fix what isn't working.

Maryann Samreth 59:04

So that's true. Self awareness people. Yeah, exactly. My final question is, what advice do you have for someone going through their trauma recovery journey?

Emily Smith 59:17

Yeah, I love this question. So I would say Be patient, I think it can often feel like you're going backwards or like, reliving something like that you thought you already healed. And believe me, I still go through that. But what you're really doing is like, spiraling back like I my breathwork teacher says that healing is like a spiral so like, you will go back in time in the present when you have this space and energy to integrate different wounds. So you can go back to those places where you at those times you just had to survive and like move through and I'm Yeah, on this healing journey. Now. I think I spoke to you about like doing EMDR I'm like, going back to some places, especially like past work related trauma like and healing that because I haven't had a point in time when I've had the days where it's wanting to come up. So being patient and open to what is coming up and knowing it's like, never gonna be one day where you're like, I'm fully healed. Yeah, we're not Buddha. Yeah, exactly.

Maryann Samreth 1:00:24

I love how you described it as a spiral. And that even if it feels like we're going backwards, we're not it's just all integrating different parts of our wound itself.

Emily Smith 1:00:32

Yes, yeah. We're never just like leaving the past. In the past. I think that was a thinking that I had. Were always like, further integrating it and like, not just like, shutting the door.

Maryann Samreth 1:00:45

Yeah, I love that. Well, thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. I'm just so excited to you know, read your book and read more about, you know, your healing journey and, and how, you know, your, your teaching others, you know, in the way that you've been able to move through your life, I think it's such a gift that you are sharing. So, thank you so much. And how can my listeners follow you work with you?

Emily Smith 1:01:13

Oh, thank you so much. Very, this has been so fun. I love all the synergy that we have. Yeah, so people can find me on my website guy to wholeness, calm. And I offer also like a free 20 minute call at talk to emily.com on career strategies. So everything lives there on my website, like my book and my podcasts. And I'm on LinkedIn daily. So find me. We're both there in our pods. So I met Emily Smith there as well. Amazing. And where can we get your book? Yeah, so I will have that on my websites that will have its own tab. So I did buy a domain recently that will redirect to that it will be wholeness. within.us. So I'll be sure to share that link with you, Marian. Ahead of this but so that's where the book can be found.

Maryann Samreth 1:02:08

Amazing. Well, thank you so much for coming on and sharing your journey. Thank you so much for having me. We all have a story to tell. I want to thank you for listening to Emily's journey. As promised Emily will now be reading an excerpt from her book wholeness within now available at wholeness within dot U S. You can follow Emily Smith on Instagram at guide to wholeness and also book a free 20 minute career call with her at WWW dot talk to emily.com.

Emily Smith 1:02:52

My name is Emily Smith. I'm the author of wholeness within and career embodiment coach. And I'm going to read an excerpt from my book wholeness within insights from one woman's journey of creating a life and career in alignment. This will be from Chapter Six called toxic cocktail, page 66. I felt I was rarely in an environment where I could be myself. At home, we didn't talk about emotions. And I felt like I blended into the family identity rather than having my own. I tried my hardest to fit into my surroundings and become just like my peers, that constant undercurrent of anxiety. From a cancer treatments stay with me from childhood on and combined with the stressors of living with a parent addicted to alcohol. Somehow alcohol seemed the easiest, soothing support. It was what I knew. So I drank initially, with my high school friends to drive away all those inhibitions I had while sober. At first, as usually happens with addiction. My use of alcohol wasn't a big deal. I was having fun just by the mere act of drinking, it felt rebellious. Drinking was the way to fit in and let loose. I didn't see how dangerous it was because we're not shown that side of alcohol through society's marketing. In middle school, we had the DARE program, which leaned heavily toward promoting complete abstinence from drugs and alcohol. Rather than tips for safe use. I took it seriously at the time. But when all my peers started drinking, that learning became a distant memory comical even knowing that my dad had an issue with alcohol just made me more susceptible to going overboard. My therapist later told me I was genetically predisposed. And I learned about drinking from watching my dad. It was inevitable. I also went to a high school where heavy drinking was the norm. Although that should not have been an excuse. Kids were getting their stomachs pumped after drinking at school events and even then all The possible complications that could arise from alcohol abuse still seem too far away to affect me. That was them. Not me. Drinking was also a way to pass the time. At first, I didn't drink too often, maybe a couple of times a month at most, but when I did, it was a night of hard drinking with vodka and less beers or tequila. This was how my habit of drinking and excess began. Since the opportunities are far few between I made the most of them. This habit carried on throughout university and only grew more dangerous over time. As an adult, I now recognize there are many disturbing scenarios I saw on TV that were normalized for me at the age of 14, girls were sexually assaulted by their male friends while under the influence of alcohol, hello, first episode of Gossip Girl. And then the girls continued to be friends with them afterward, or they were dropped off by their friends outside their home, drunk and blacked out left at the front door, as shown in the OC, which unsurprisingly would happen later to me too. It was uncanny how some of these scenarios played out in my life. One might say that's just what teenagers do. But I wonder how different it would have been. For me if the popular shows at that time had been a more positive influence, showing young people being creative, following their passions and making a difference in the world. Instead of giving influential programming for the exact opposite, when young people's brains are still developing, what we watch on TV and in movies, makes an impression on us and influences our behaviors, both positively and negatively, in the same way that our home lives and social lives do and the forbidden aspects of drinking made me want to even more tied together with the insecurities I felt and the pain I experienced in my own home. The glamorization of alcohol served as the perfect setup for my own addiction to be born, I had a low sense of self worth, from not feeling seen at home, in base my worth on being chosen by my friends or by boys. I also placed a lot of stock in how I looked, I spent hours straightening my hair to oblivion, applying way too much self tanner, and shopping for outfits at the mall to look my best. My thirst for alcohol only grew and I had the freedom to experience it without repercussions at university. But the truth was that I have been using it for so long by then, that I had developed a pattern of seeking an outside substance to quell the discomfort of being myself.

Maryann Samreth 1:07:22

I hope you enjoyed this episode of mental breakthrough podcast please leave me a review and subscribe on Apple podcast and Spotify. I'm MaryAnn smeta, trauma writing coach and founder of sincerely Miss Mary and I am officially a somatic experience practitioner in training just finished my beginning one training yesterday and it was very, very intense. Maybe I'll do an episode about that a solo one in a couple of weeks. And if you're interested in working with me for my work writing coaching, you can apply on my website www dot sincerely Miss marriott.com/fair to rise. This is a one on one three month coaching container where I help you write your memoir build a book proposal to pitch to a literary agent, which includes writing a chapter outline, a book synopsis and a pitch to a literary agent, and also build a growing online presence to amplify social impact in the world. If this sounds like something that you're interested in, I encourage you to apply. I hope you enjoy this episode of listening to Emily's journey. If you are on a similar path. Please be kind to your heart. And if you're writing your memoir, know that it is absolutely brave. Be kind be patient with the process and know that when you share your story with the world, we all heal as a collective. There is power in being the author of our lives.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai