S2E26: Post-Breakup Growth With Mental Health Advocate Emily Elizabeth
Emily Elizabeth is the host of the mental health podcast, the Wondering Mind Podcast, which she founded in February of 2020 after going through a difficult breakup. She takes us through her post-breakup growth journey where she rebuilds a relationship with herself, starts her sobriety journey, learns to listen to her intuition, and navigates depression, anxiety, and ADHD.
Guest Bio:
Emily Elizabeth founded The Wondering Mind Podcast in February of 2020 after going through a difficult breakup.
Prior to the breakup, Emily’s mental health had been declining and in an attempt to try and save the relationship she figured if she began to “fix” herself it would in turn fix the relationship.
It in fact did not. What did happen was that Emily realized how in control she could be over her life and her mental health.
It inspired her to create the podcast where she would share her mental health experiences, as well as the stories of others in hopes to encourage and comfort folx who may be struggling and in need of some help and support.
Emily is also in the process of creating a mental health apparel line called The Wondering Mind Co. which she hopes will help normalize mental health through fashion.
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/thewonderingmindpodcast
Website:
https://linktr.ee/thewonderingmind
Maryann Samreth 00:00
Welcome to mental breakthrough, a mental health podcast about owning our most vulnerable stories. As a reminder, we are all human. I'm MaryAnn Samreth, trauma training coach, founder of sincerely Miss Mary and your host. This season I bring in healers, coaches, therapists and writers in the mental health and thought leadership space to share their stories of overcoming their shadows, to get to a place where the light shines again. These are trauma survivors, mental health advocates, spiritual guides, coaches, and first and foremost, human beings, reminding us to be softer and kinder to ourselves, so we can then meet others with the same compassion. The power and sharing our truths with the world gives permission for others to feel safe experiencing theirs. As a disclaimer, this podcast is not a replacement for trauma informed therapy. But as always, you can find mental health resources on my website at www that sincerely, Miss mary.com Hey, everyone, today's guest I interview my first podcast friend, Emily Elizabeth. She's the host of the wandering mind podcast, which she founded in February of 2020. After going through a difficult breakup, Emily takes us through her journey of post breakup growth, where she rebuilds relationship with herself starts her sobriety journey and learns to listen to her intuition. Her healing journey inspired her to create her podcast where she would share her mental health experiences as well as the stories of others in hopes to encourage and comfort folks who may be struggling and in need of feeling less alone. She's also in the process of grading a mental health apparel line called the wandering mind, which she hopes will help normalize mental health through fashion. And she's also creating a mental health festival and Laval in May of 2022. This is an episode many of us can relate to from falling and breaking patterns of toxic relationships, and cultivating the courage to look inward and find peace and acceptance with ourselves. This is Emily's journey, and I hope you enjoy this episode. Hi, everyone, welcome to Mental breakthrough podcast. Today's guest I have Emily Elizabeth. She is a mental health advocate and host of the wandering mind podcast. And she was also my first podcast that I was on. welcome Emily, how are you doing today?
Emily Elizabeth 02:52
Hey, man, I'm good. Thank you so much for having me. And yes, you were the first get or you were you came on my show. And it was the first one you've ever done. And I was sad. I
Maryann Samreth 03:00
was like, oh, yeah, I mean, and also we met on Instagram, too. That was very exciting. I remember just searching for mental health podcast, and you're the first one that come up. And just like I need to know who this person is. And look, here we are. Here we are. I'm so excited to have you on here and talk about your mental health journey and your story. So my first question for you is how did you become the mental health advocate you are today?
Emily Elizabeth 03:28
Well, it wasn't an overnight thing. It took a long time. I think like the title of your show, I had my mental breakthrough about three years ago when I was dealing with a very toxic relationship. And my mental health has been poor ever since I was in elementary school. But I didn't know what it was at that time. Because again, you know, mental health wasn't really talked about when we were younger. It wasn't really talked about until you know, a couple of years ago. And so I started to notice these changes. And as I got older, it got worse and worse. And I finally I mean, it took me a very long time because I didn't want to admit that something was off or you know, cuz I felt so different. But I finally admitted it. And I started taking therapy more seriously. And I was on medication and I did all of these things in an attempt to save a relationship and instead I ended up saving myself and once I had that aha moment of Holy shit, I can I can do this I can come out on the other side, I can, you know, go through this and bounce back even faster than before. Because I'm focusing so much on myself and taking the time to do what's right for my mental health. And so after experiencing that and feeling so good after bouncing back from that breakup so much faster than I would have normally I normally would have like, you know, wallowed in it and just let it kind of eat me alive emotionally and I wanted to let other people know and so you know as started posting about things. And that's just kind of where it started to take off.
Maryann Samreth 05:04
I feel like we share very similar stories about, you know, having these toxic relationships and working on ourselves through it. Can you talk about that experience like within, you know, processing, the, you know, trying to save that relationship? And then having that experience of like, Oh, I'm actually working on myself. And this feels good. And I don't get this relationship, like, what was that like for you? Yeah.
Emily Elizabeth 05:29
So I will say that, in the past, one of my negative coping mechanisms to deal with the mental health issues that I didn't want to face was getting involved in relationships that were very unhealthy for me. And it was in part due to the fact that I was neglecting myself. So since my mental health was poor, I was choosing four partners, people that now I wouldn't even think twice to date, because it's just someone that I know is not a good fit. So that is something that I learned throughout that entire experience. And then the most recent relationship and that whole experience, I learned that when I started to work on myself, in an attempt to save this relationship, I was basically given an ultimatum by this person that if I didn't get my shit together in six months that we were going to break up anyway.
Maryann Samreth 06:24
Oh, wow. Yeah, a lot of pressure in like, you can't put a time limit to working on your healing,
Emily Elizabeth 06:31
you can and it was really fucked up because he wasn't willing to work on himself. Yeah. And I, naively, because I was so depressed at the time, like, I was probably the one of my lowest points in adulthood that I've ever been, I felt hopeless, I was super depressed, and then all of this was going on. And so anyway, so I tried to work on myself and work on healing and attempt to save this and all the while I'm, like, hoping that he would jump on board with where I was going with things, you know, with working out and going to therapy and, you know, doing other things with me, you know, as a unit, and he just wasn't having any of it. He basically shut down completely when I started to get better, and distance himself even more. And I was just so insecure at the time, and afraid of being alone. And I felt like I for some reason, I felt trapped, because we had bought a home together. And so I felt that if this were to end like what was I gonna do? Like, was I just gonna be like out on the street? I don't know, I was very dramatic about it. Because when you're in that mindset, you don't really think very realistically, Yeah, cuz you're in like a survival mindset. 100%. That's exactly the mindset I was in and I was freaking out. And so he eventually broke up with me. But honestly, it was the best thing that's ever happened to me, because even though it sucked, and it kind of set me back a little bit, and I went through hell, I'm not gonna lie. Like, it wasn't easy. Those next few months really kind of changed the game for me, honestly.
Maryann Samreth 08:05
Yeah. What would you say was like, the biggest lesson that you got out of that relationship? Like, what was the one thing that you you know, you'll never compromise about yourself again?
Emily Elizabeth 08:16
Ooh, this is a good one. Well, there's a lot of lessons that I learned.
Maryann Samreth 08:21
You can talk about more than one that's totally fine.
Emily Elizabeth 08:25
Um, well, listen to your gut is probably the number one lesson that I learned. And there was numerous situations within this relationship where I should have just been like a well, yeah, like, this is obvious and left. I mean, there were many times where I tried to leave, and we ended up talking to each other out of it. But there were two specific instances where there were huge red flags. And I was just like, Oh, this looks green to me. Like, right through it, I'm just gonna keep going with it. And I should have just known to listen to what my gut was telling me my intuition because I was right 100% Right.
Maryann Samreth 09:03
It's hard to get out of those toxic relationship because you're in this cycle. And you're thinking what your survival mindset so staying in is almost like, you know, when you're in that state, you equate it with safety. And then when you have when you equate that with safety, you feel like you have less choices. So yeah, it makes sense that like you were trying to save that relationship to just be safe and and maintain that, you know, that safety that's that that's all that you knew at the time. But it's it's like what was the moment like when you know, what was your healing journey like after that and who we are.
Emily Elizabeth 09:46
It's a never ending. It's a continuous process, but I've learned so much and I'm basically like, the person I am today versus the person I was almost three years ago when that relationship ended is a completely different person. You know, I I still struggle with my depression and my anxiety and my ADHD, but I have a better grasp and understanding of it all as where before, I really was just clueless. And I think the healing process for me was really listening to my gut working on myself for myself, and trying to pinpoint what my negative coping mechanisms were. Because they were kind of obvious, and get rid of them. And I've been working on that ever since. And I mean, it's honestly like I stopped drinking last year. So it's been a year and a couple months since I quit drinking alcohol. And then, honestly, once I started to, you know, get rid of alcohol within my my diet and my lifestyle that kind of led me to leaving other things behind. Because when you drink when you're in social situations, when you're dating, when you're out with friends, you can't really listen to your intuition, because it's being covered up by all these false emotions and feelings that alcohol is providing you in that moment. And so once I got rid of alcohol completely, I started to listen to or I started to kind of tune into myself a little bit more when I was around certain people. And if I felt a certain way, and I didn't feel comfortable, that was a sign for me. And it also incorporates into dating. I you not, I wouldn't say I was a serial dater, like that's kind of intense. But again, I was a relationship person because I was so insecure. And I felt as though in order to be complete, I needed to have a partner. And that's complete bullshit. That's another thing that I've learned. Yeah, that's a bad one. It is a big one. And it might sound cliche, but you have to learn to love yourself, or at least start to like yourself in order to even have a healthy relationship. So if you're not working on yourself, no matter who you're with at that time, like, it's not going to be the best it could be. If you are not satisfied with where you're at. Yeah. And I learned that I had to keep working on it every single day, and it was really fucking hard. And then COVID hit. And that was really, really tough because I live alone. And I work from home, and seasonal depression and all that stuff. So you know, and all the things that were going on externally within the world just hit me really hard. So you know, there's always setbacks. But the point is, I always have a goal in mind, I always have myself in the forefront of continuously, like, if I get knocked down, just to get back up and keep going with my healing process and listening to my body and listening to what my gut is telling me. And honestly, it's, it has not led me wrong up at all.
Maryann Samreth 12:32
Yeah, I feel like when we have experiences that show us what we should have done, we now like tune into it even more. So I feel like your intuition is just like, amplified so much right now. Because now you're living in attunement and alignment with yourself and your purpose. And I know, like a big part of your life is the creation of your podcast. Can you talk about, you know, the wandering mind podcast and how that's changed your life?
Emily Elizabeth 13:01
Oh, yes, that is a huge part of it, and honestly saved my life. Because, wow, before the relationship ended, I was just I basically lost my identity to without relationship. And I tended to do that before and all the relationships that I had, I would take on their hobbies and, you know, hang out with their friends, and I kind of just lost myself. And so I started to feel the effects of that. And at first, one of the things that I started to do was makeup. And then once I started to continue on along my healing journey, I realized, like, this is not where my heart lies, like, something's missing. And so, at the time, we were still in the office, and I was listening to a bunch of different podcasts. And I was just feeling really inspired. And I was like, this is really cool. Like, this is a really cool platform. You know, it's not TV. It's not necessarily like social media. It's just this different, unique platform. And I was like, You know what, maybe maybe I could do something like this, you know, if I can get through some of these instances and come out stronger on the other side and wiser I want people to know that they can do the same because for so long, I felt so alone. And like I was weird and crazy. And I didn't know what was going on. I was completely clueless. I wasn't educating myself. I was lost. And it was really hard. And so I said, You know what, I'm gonna start a podcast.
Maryann Samreth 14:24
Yeah, hell yeah. So I mean, that's huge. I mean, that you returned to yourself through this podcast, like you talk about how you lost your sense of identity. And when the wandering mind helped you find it again. And it's huge to put yourself out there in the world. Was it scary for you to start sharing your vulnerabilities and your stories with the world?
Emily Elizabeth 14:48
Oh, my gosh, it was terrifying. I mean, I still remember the very first day that I recorded my first episode, I think it was like near my birthday, like almost two years ago, and I was just recording it on my phone. Look, I love that. And I just started, I didn't have anything written down. I was just like speaking from the heart in that moment. And that's what my first episode was. And I was like, okay, like, I guess I'm just gonna hit like, you know, like, put it on there, put it out there. And once I did, and I got so much good feedback, I was like, wow, this is crazy how many people relate to this. And so that's kind of what fed the fire, what fueled the fire to keep going is just the amount of support and the people that were like, You know what saying here, and honestly, I'm not gonna lie, though, like, it's still really hard to do solo episodes, or to talk about your personal life and the things that you struggle with, even in interviews, but the more you do it, the more comfortable you become at it kind of just like with anything else in life, if you don't practice, you're not going to get better or more comfortable. And so that's kind of just where I'm at now is I've done it so much. Now I'm completely comfortable sharing my emotions and my feelings now. Yeah.
Maryann Samreth 15:59
What was your first episode about? I'm curious as to go listen to it. It was basically just
Emily Elizabeth 16:05
like an introduction, why I started the podcast, and, you know, basically just a little recap of my mental health journey from when I was younger, and I honestly haven't listened to it and early
Maryann Samreth 16:20
to do a listening party.
Emily Elizabeth 16:23
But yeah, it was just it was that and I think it was like, maybe 30-40 minutes or something like that. So I talked for a decent amount of time. But yeah, yeah, it felt good to do it, it felt like a weight had been lifted. Like, his dark secret that I had been keeping inside was like, now out in the open, and people knew now what was going on? It was very scary, but it felt really good,
Maryann Samreth 16:45
right? Because so this was like, 2019. This, like, around that time. I mean, it's not long ago, but mental health was not really talked about. And it was very stigmatized, I remember, like having to lie about going to therapy. And you're such a big mental health advocate now, like, how did you you know, work through all of your fears of like a judgment or, you know, anything holding you back from speaking up about, you know, your anxiety, your depression, your ADHD? How did you cultivate the courage to do that?
Emily Elizabeth 17:17
Again, I think it just resorted back to the amount of people that said that they could relate. And, again, I wanted so badly to never feel alone like that again. And you know, you can never prevent that entirely, you're still gonna have those moments where you feel as though nobody understands. But generally speaking, to be able to continue to keep that in the back of my mind when I'm doing the show, or when I'm posting things on Instagram, or whatever it may be having conversations with people. That's the point, you know, it's pushing past those uncomfortable moments, maybe awkward moments, and then getting to the really good parts where they're like, You know what same. You're like, wait, what? Yeah, really. And it's just worth it. So I guess that's what kept me going and allowed me to continue to put things out there that is truly like one of the most fulfilling feelings is getting someone say, I'm going through the same thing.
Maryann Samreth 18:13
Thank you for speaking about this.
Emily Elizabeth 18:16
Yeah. And it's wild, because not only you know, have I had those types of moments, but I've met so many incredible people through this journey of podcasting. Much like I've met you and I've met, you know, so many people that I otherwise never would have met and every single person I have been able to relate to in some way or another and it just blows my mind every time.
Maryann Samreth 18:36
Yeah, it shows you like the power of being open what your vulnerability that you will magnetize people that are like you that are going through the same thing. And you putting yourself out there, they just come to you. And that's the beautiful thing about being vulnerable, especially with mental health because it's so stigmatized that you have created such a big community with your podcast and have met so many amazing people like you have so many amazing guests on it, too. So I just want to give you like a big congrats on what you've created, and you know, your way of helping to destigmatize mental health. Thank you. So I know like you were very open about talking about ADHD. And that's also something that still to this day has a lot of stigma. Can you talk about your experience with ADHD and your journey to navigating through it?
Emily Elizabeth 19:28
Yeah, and this is honestly still something that I'm trying to navigate right now. Because it's something that I don't know. I think it was probably last year when I was in quarantine that I realized, oh, yeah, I definitely have ADHD like this is because I got tested for it. I think I was probably between 10 and 12. I don't remember but some around that age young and I apparently I had it and at the time again, because mental health was not a thing. I didn't want to seem crazy because that's what I you know, immediately default. To is having any type of anything was other than being normal was crazy. And so I completely rallied against it. And I think my parents tried to put me on medication, but I think there was like some serious side effects. So they're like, forget it, because they didn't know either. They were completely clueless too. So they didn't really take it as seriously as they wish they, you know, could have had had they known what exactly to do. But you know, at the time, there's no resources out there. So taking all that into consideration, and then the more I learned about myself, as I get older, the more I can reflect back on things that I did as a younger person and realize, oh, shit, yeah, like, Yep, this is this is a thing. And now that's kind of still what I'm trying to navigate is what the best way for me to work through it is because honestly, I kind of have a good grasp, for the most part on my anxiety and depression. I am on medication for both. That's definitely been a really big help. But I've been working on those two things for a lot longer than the ADHD aspect. I was just unaware that it kind of all ties together up until really last year. And yeah, so I've just been learning and talking to people. I think the last episode I actually did on my podcast was about ADHD. And so I've just been trying to connect with other people and read stuff, educate myself, and I'm on medicine for ADHD now, too. So that's been helpful. But I've also just been like, very conscious of how I'm like thinking and what I'm doing throughout the day. That's another thing that I've gotten really good at, throughout my healing process is being able to tap into the moment, the present moment and ask myself, like, why am I doing this? What's going on? Like, you know, that kind of thing, that kind of thought process, and that really helps me figure out like, way to navigate through. I mean, again, there's moments where I'm like, I don't fucking know. I'm lost helped me. But for the most part, you know,
Maryann Samreth 21:55
yeah, I mean, I think that's huge to having self awareness for you know, the way your mind and body works and like ADHD, like, even I'm still trying to get a diagnosis, right? Yeah, we talked about that. Yeah, hard. It's impossible. I feel like, like, not many people understand it. And I'm still not sure if I have ADHD is I've been through like five doctors, and I'm just like, giving up on it. So like, I just, you know, like, we just have to, I mean, whether you have anxiety, depression, ADHD, or any other mental health, stressors, it's just learning how it's exactly what you said, it's just having awareness of how you function throughout the day, and just catching it if, you know, you start to spiral down and anxiety and just being like, Wait, like, why am I feeling this way? Like, what do I need right now? I think it's constantly just like checking in with yourself about what your needs are, which is something that no one teaches us like, yeah, we're not taught to, to look after our, you know, like our mental well being. So you being so open about it is also creating a self awareness for others to and understanding like ourselves better. So it's, I'm just really glad that you are so open about ADHD because I was just like, I think I remember like messaging you. I'm like, Hey, like, I need help.
Emily Elizabeth 23:23
It's just wild because the more that I learn about it, I'm like, Oh, my God, this is crazy. I did not know that this was an avenue or an aspect of ADHD. And that's the thing like with all of these quote, unquote, illnesses, I don't, it's bullshit. I don't like using that. But whatever. I don't like using that word. With all these labels. With all these you know, diagnoses, it really just comes down to the fact that this is just how our brain is wired and how it works. Like, regardless of what it is or what it isn't. It's just a matter of tapping into being self aware and trying to do that, so that we can just navigate our own brains and figure out what works best for us in this world that is not made for us.
Maryann Samreth 24:02
Yeah, exactly. It's people just kind of directing us towards ourselves instead of like outward, like oh, like there's something wrong with you because you have this like, you need to fix it. I think like there's no such thing as fixing ourselves. It's just like learning to be as we are and like getting tools to help maintain like, who we are like whatever, you know, our needs are how we move through the world. It's it's learning tools to manage just our own like navigation of the world because everyone does it differently. If there's a better word for illness like anyone to start
Emily Elizabeth 24:37
using now, I really hate that and but it's like what you said a moment ago how, like, for example, school was not set up for everyone. It's not customizable. Society is not customizable. We were not taught emotional and mental well being in school or anywhere. Like the things that we needed the most we weren't given resources for and That's what makes it I think the most challenging. I think if we had had these resources and mental health had been discussed from day one, and nothing was, you know, labeled as such, then you know, we would be a lot, we would be living our lives a lot more freely and happily, but unfortunately, the things that people are scared of, or that they don't understand, they shy away from. And so that's what you're you're trying to do. That's what I'm trying to do. And everyone that we've kind of come in contact with regarding mental health is trying to do is change that.
Maryann Samreth 25:31
Yeah, definitely changing that narrative. And like not seeing anxiety as depression or ADHD as bad or holding us back. It's just coexisting with these things that are just part of our lives it in normalizing it, so we can just, you know, continue to be ourselves. So I think that is huge. And I know you also talk about, like dating with anxiety.
Emily Elizabeth 25:56
Oh,my God,
Maryann Samreth 25:57
do you want to share any stories?
Emily Elizabeth 25:59
Oh, I've got stories. Yeah, I mean, oh, gosh, I got stories for days. Okay, so I guess I'll start with, I got two that I can like legitimately think of. And honestly, the first one that I can think of is the one that was like the biggest red flag for my most recent ended relationship. Because I had so much anxiety in the past two, I was drinking a lot, not like every day, but it still was a form of I don't know if it was a form of alcoholism, per se, but it was definitely it was definitely abusing it when I was drinking, right. And I did it because I was very insecure, I was just trying to avoid everything that I didn't understand, I was feeling and so the first night that I actually met my ex, I got shit faced, like, and again, that's another thing too, I could not go on dates. without drinking, I could not be sober. I had to be at least two or three drinks in, in order to maintain the conversation feel somewhat comfortable in my skin. And so you know, with the situation of meeting my ex, the first night, we went to like three different bars got smashed, tried to hook up, and then something happened. And he got really angry at me and kicked me out of the house. And if that's not a big red flag, I don't fucking know what it is. But guess I was that low. And that lonely and insecure that the next day? I still reached out to him. Yeah, right. So yeah, that was basically the one thing I just I relied so heavily on alcohol to get me through my dating experiences. And then also it just it when you don't understand what you're feeling. Because when I was in all of these relationships, I had no idea what my anxiety was, or any of it, I had absolutely no grasp on any of it. And it was really hard to communicate with my partners, it was really hard to be patient with my partners, it was really hard to be present with my partner. So it was just I was always on a different page with them the entire time. And it was frustrating for them, it was frustrating for me, and it never ended well, and also to just the insecurity aspect of having no self esteem and not feeling confident in myself because I wasn't working on myself. So I would be very anxious when they weren't around, or if they were out with other people. And it was just this extra unnecessary burden, that was just a huge hurdle that I had to continue to like cross and it was very, very hard. And it just put that added stress onto all these relationships. And it was really hard. And you know, now I'm completely conscious of those behaviors. And I've definitely been working on them. And it's hard, you know, because I'm always going to be an anxious person. So it's just a matter of finding someone that fits me well and is willing to communicate the same way that I am, or at least learn because you know, until you find a partner that is on the same page with you and is willing to be patient with you. It's going to be difficult.
Maryann Samreth 28:53
Yeah, it's definitely like anxiety, like, especially social anxiety, which I mean, like, Thank you for sharing your story. Because this is something that people don't talk about, like anxiety prevents you kind of hinders your access to your intuition and like your gut. So like, again, you're in that fear based mindset and you can't think straight, so like your, you know, reaching for safety and like, even though like there's, you know, you beat yourself up for going back, you know, to however your relationship started with what your ex like that was probably you like, you know, in that trauma response of like fawning and like oh, like I you know, like this makes sense in my survival brain set that he is for me and that's one aspect of anxiety that you know, we don't really talk about. So thank you for sharing because I think you know, also like removing alcohol from your life it seems like that has you know, allowed you to access your intuition more how has sobriety like changed your life?
Emily Elizabeth 29:57
Oh, it's completely changed my life because I Again, I said earlier, I've been alcohol free for over a year. And I've gone on multiple dates. And I haven't drank once. And I felt totally confident. And I was able to hold the conversations, and it just felt so good. And that's how you build organic confidence. That's another huge lesson that I've learned throughout this whole healing process is in order to build confidence organically, you have to take away those negative coping mechanisms, it's going to suck at first, but you have to do it. Otherwise, you're just going to continue living your life with false confidence. And it will be taken away as soon as the negative coping mechanism, whatever that is, for, you know, that you're using in your life, his take is gone. So by removing that alcohol, it really forced me out of my comfort zone and but it showed me that I can do these things that I thought that I couldn't do without alcohol. Because I do have social anxiety, I am not a huge fan of large crowds. So whenever we would go to bars, obviously, I would have to pregame and be at least somewhat drunk before we get to the bar in order for me to handle it. And again, that's reverting back to the anxiety aspect. Where had I been more tapped in with myself, I would have been like, Nah, screw that I'm not even going. Because my anxiety is like, already so bad. Like, that's a sign that I don't want to go, you know, I'm not going to be comfortable in that setting. So why would I put myself in that setting? If it's not going to benefit me. And so by removing that I've just chosen to, you know, pick certain people within my life that that are better for me that are healthier for me. It's helped me weed out partners and I know aren't going to be good for me in the long run. It's helped me explore things that I otherwise would have been too shy or too scared to explore. Like, it's just honestly, it's been remarkable.
Maryann Samreth 31:44
Yeah, I think that's amazing to hear that you're going to removing alcohol allowed you to just sit with yourself, but and even if it's uncomfortable, you get comfortable just being as you are, wherever you are. And I think going on dates it and telling because I did the same thing too. I removed. I'm drinking like once, you know, like a blue moon. But I don't really drink any more. But when I started my dating journey, I didn't drink at all. And I remember because I lived in New York City that was such a big, like, it was so uncomfortable to tell people that I don't.
Emily Elizabeth 32:18
I can't Yeah, actually, I can't imagine. Yeah, it's
Maryann Samreth 32:21
like, yeah, you're just like, I and then it's like such an awkward conversation to have. But I think you know, that's just speaks to like, kind of like, how much we use alcohol to cope in social situations, like dating. So it's so brave, to be going on dates without drinking. I think that's the bravest thing you can do. And then you you know, you have 100% access to your intuition. Yeah. You know, that is incredibly brave for you to be able to put yourself out there and do it without alcohol. That's honestly how I met my partner. I was sober. And hell yeah. And same thing, like previous partners, I was always like, wasted. And so I get Yeah, same thing, I
Emily Elizabeth 33:06
think you have like a, you have a more clear, you have a clear filter, like your filter is completely clean, when you're tapped in with yourself. And when you're not using your negative coping mechanisms. So like when we're not drinking on dates, if someone's like, isn't supportive of that, okay, by like, that's a red flag. Like we can see the red flags a lot sooner and more clearly, than had it's, I mean, think about it. It's like, if you drink and drive, are you going to be able to see the road as well know, if you're drinking sober? Are you? Or if you're driving sober? Are you going to be able to Yes, it's the same thing. Like I can see these red flags so much faster. And you can prepare yourself to like, navigate through that and work around them or get rid of them. And so it's like you met your boyfriend through, you know, not drinking on a date. And it was a good choice because he sounds like a great guy.
Maryann Samreth 33:54
He was like he cuz I also like, because I'm like, difficult. I don't know if I'm difficult, but I was like, I also don't eat gluten. So like, being in New York, not drinking and also not eating. And he at one point, he was like, he didn't even eat the bread because I was sick. He told me that. Yeah. Yeah. So I love that analogy of the driving, relating to dating because it's so true. Like, just being sobered through an experience is it's the lens of you. It's the most authentic version of you, you can be and just having full access to that when you're doing things that are scary. You can learn and grow a lot from Do you have any advice for PEEP for anxious Staters out there?
Emily Elizabeth 34:37
Oh, I mean, the advice that I would give people probably aren't going to like but I mean, I had to do it. I did. I mean, you're gonna say yeah, it's just it's doing the thing that scares you the most and putting yourself out getting yourself out of that comfort zone. It's like okay, if you're feeling and also to like listening to your intuition, like if you're getting super super anxious before a date and ask yourself Why, first and foremost? Is there something up with this person that you should be paying attention to? Is it just natural nerves? Because you're meeting someone new? Like, you have to ask yourself these questions. Because if you don't, you're just gonna probably end up getting way more hurt in the long run. And so yeah, it's like, if you tend to drink when you go on dates, don't drink, if you tend to, you know, I don't know, whatever it may be, just trying to just go as yourself or like, go into a situation as yourself and see how that feels. Because if it feels off, well, there you go, then you probably shouldn't be wherever you are with whomever you are with. So yeah, that's kind of weird advice. But it's just kind of like, you got to just ask yourself, why more often? Like, why are you feeling this way? And kind of go from there?
Maryann Samreth 35:54
Yeah, I think that's not weird at all. Just being yourself. It's very hard for people to allow themselves to trust that being themselves is enough. So I think that is great advice for anxious daters. How has your dating journey been now?
Emily Elizabeth 36:11
I'm not so good. I mean, it's just, you know, it's like, just because you work on this stuff doesn't mean that like things are gonna be like all hunky dory afterwards, you know, it's like, yeah, but it just means that whenever you do meet certain people, you're able to navigate it with a clear mindset, which is super, super important. And you're saving yourself in the long run. Dating for me right now pretty much is non existent. I was dating quite a bit over the summer, and things just didn't work out. And you know, I am really proud of myself, though, because I have gone on quite a handful of dates over the past year, and again, all sober and but I've been able to recognize that these people aren't for me quickly. And not like I've given them chances. It's not like a like a one and done kind of thing, like I gave them like two or three dates, that's kind of like my rule is like give them at least three dates. And then if I'm still not feeling it after that, then let it go. But I've been able to detach myself from these people a lot faster, because I do have anxious attachment style. So that's been really helpful towards working towards having a more secure attachment or style of, you know, being in a relationship. And I've been able to pick up on the fact that some of these people just aren't emotionally ready, because they're not communicating the same way that I am, or they're not communicating in a way that I'm comfortable with, or that I can really like relate to, or that makes me feel good. I also notice for anxious daters, too, this is another thing if you're dating someone, and you're texting them, or you're talking to them on the phone, and their communication is just not ideal for you. It doesn't make you feel as comfortable as it could is it could or you feel more anxious, when you're waiting for a text or texting these people? I would, I would listen to that anxiety, because that means something. So I've been able to do that a lot more. I mean, it's tough. It's really hard because especially for anxious Staters we cling on, like quicker. I think we just have that hope. Like maybe they'll you know, I don't know, I'm a hopeless romantic. I can't speak for everyone else. But I'm like, maybe they'll be the one. But yeah, it's just really knowing what you want to also helps. And again, through my healing journey and dating this go around, I do know what I want. And so again, it's easier to weed people out and thus my anxiety has been reduced. So again, I think for anxious daters or anxious people, in general, working on yourself will help you with all these other aspects of your life.
Maryann Samreth 38:37
Yeah, that is, I sounds like a successful dating journey. I mean, every date matters. And it's I think it the noes are more important and get you closer to your Yes. And I love hearing that you're learning and weeding people out on your dating journey, because I think learning what you don't want is much more important than learning what you do want because, yeah, you never know you
Emily Elizabeth 39:02
learn what you want to like, that's how you learn is through what you don't want. You're like, oh, no, that doesn't sit well with me or Ooh, that would be the wrong way or that made me uncomfortable. And you can kind of just start to narrow in and, you know, niche down exactly what you want. And that makes it way easier to not waste other people's time and not waste your time but still have like the experience of you know, growing through the dating process. Yeah, definitely. Growing and Learning. Yeah.
Maryann Samreth 39:31
And tapping into you know, what's happening in your body because you said you listen to your anxiety now if it's like like it Yes, amplifying, you're just like no, but and I think that's like huge too, is listening to our bodies. Because, like for me, like I didn't really realize like anxiety, depression, it's our bodies. It's our body's response to stress. And we need to listen to our bodies. And it's, it's, you know, I feel like a lot of us have been disconnected cuz disconnecting our mind from our bodies, but our bodies like kind of know, before our minds to
Emily Elizabeth 40:04
100% Yeah. And to go back to a couple examples of what it was like dating with, like really, really bad anxiety like before I was medicated before I really had gotten deep into my healing journey. This was like about three years ago, right after I ended the got out of that relationship. I started like kind of serial dating because I was still yearning for that other half because I still was in that mindset, and that I was very insecure still. And I remember there was this one person that I like, really liked, but I knew I knew something was off, because I felt very often I was around him, even though I was like, very attracted to him. And I was probably the most anxious I've ever been while trying to date him. Like, if he didn't text me back within a reasonable amount of time, I would freak the fuck out. I would have like panic attacks. I mean, it was ridiculous. And then whenever he would like, kiss me, I would kind of like blackout.
Maryann Samreth 41:02
Whoa, yeah, your body being
Emily Elizabeth 41:04
like, like, Absolutely. If it's your body, like, because we're built for survival mode, like we were built to survive in the wild. And if your body is tapping into something that's just not right, for you, it will fucking tell you. Yeah, it's just a matter of whether you want to listen to it or not. And I chose not to listen to it. And so I made myself absolutely miserable. And I finally started to catch on to that and, and like, ask myself, Is this worth it? Like, is this person on the other end stressing them? Like, like, are they stressing out? Like, this way? Hell no. Like, why am I ruining my life? Nothing. And that's so true. It was kind of a reality check. For me, it took me about the entire year to kind of get through that navigate through. And now when I start to feel like that, it's almost like a PTSD response. And I hate to use that term, but it's kind of like I flashback basically, to that specific experience, and situation. And I can kind of like, catch myself and say, Okay, I'm starting to feel that some type of way. And then I can ask myself why. And then I can kind of kind of reflect back on like, who, you know, the person I'm kind of talking to you right now. Like,
Maryann Samreth 42:15
is this somebody that I actually like? Is this somebody that I actually connect with? Or is this just somebody that I want? Because I'm lonely? Yeah. It's like, you know, those triggers will come up. And now you're looking at triggers, and you're listening to it. And you're, you're asking the right questions of what it's trying to tell you. And I think even those experiences we both have had, and those toxic relationships, like it's actually good that like, we're not in it because our body is now neutralized, like, yeah, it's it's not healthy to be in like those, you know, toxic cycles, like I think, I mean, I got sick I had I had an autoimmune disease, probably because of that relationship. So it's, it's so important to listen to our triggers, and our you know, our depression, our anxiety, like, It all matters, all of our every aspect of our mental health matters. And I know you're such a big advocate for, you know, every single type of mental health stressors.
Emily Elizabeth 43:15
We'll call it that our stressors like that.
Maryann Samreth 43:18
Yeah. And I know you have a big project coming up. Do you want to talk about it? Are you talking
Emily Elizabeth 43:23
about the festival? Yeah.
Maryann Samreth 43:25
Are you allowed to talk about it? Hell, yeah. Okay.
Emily Elizabeth 43:29
So I don't even know when this was, I think it was like, the beginning of the summer. I have ADHD. Like I said, we talked about that earlier. And so I come up with these like random ideas every once in a while, and this one's stuck. And I got really passionate about it. And it is called Mind fest. And we're going to be here in Louisville, Kentucky in May of 2022. Myself, and a really incredible team of people that I've collaborated with through the podcast actually, was literally healing that all these people that are now on my committee, were putting on a mental health festival to bring the community together and make resources available for everyone and make it fun, make it an educational experience, make it a hands on experience. It's just going to be a really great time we're gonna have DJs and food trucks and a lecture will not lectures. I don't like that term, like a panel of speakers that will be engaging with the audience. We're gonna have all kinds of activities for kids and teens and young adults and everybody of all ages. I love that. So yeah, we're currently in the planning process. It's definitely a learning experience, because none of us know what the hell we're doing. But that's okay. It'll have a lot of connections. So that's been really great. And it's, again, it's really great to connect with these people that are so passionate about advocating for mental health and it helps me it helps them and it's just it just feels good to do something for a community that is struggling so much especially like in mobile with the Briana Taylor and all the police brutality that we've I mean, everywhere has been doing Dealing with that, but especially in Louisville, Kentucky, and so it's just nice to finally give back in some way.
Maryann Samreth 45:05
Yeah, I think that's amazing that, you know, you're creating this to help marginally marginalized groups have access to mental health, because they definitely need the most and need it the most. And there's limited access to mental health just for everyone in general, but especially for those marginalized groups. So so that is so incredible that you're creating this, and I will definitely try my best to make it I don't know, maybe next year, but that would be so fun. And I love your mission to make mental health fun. I think, you know, that's a way to destigmatize mental health is just to, you know, create these kinds of events like you're doing and spreading awareness about it and normalizing things, people shame, I think when we make things more accessible to everyone, especially educating people on mental health, it normalizes it, and it makes it easier for people to ask for help than then to repress their their stressors. 100%. So I have two final questions for you. What do you wish the world has more of
Emily Elizabeth 46:06
empathy? Like 1,000%, because with everything going on, like you can be stupid, but if you have empathy, like you're going to be more beneficial than the smartest person in the room. And I think, at the end of the day, when it comes to human beings, this is another thing that I've learned throughout my journey, and the podcast, is just, we all just want connection and to have a purpose. And the connection aspect is so important, because again, the more we're able to be vulnerable and have a connection with other human beings, the more kindness I believe, will start to spread. And it starts with empathy. And there's, unfortunately, so many people in the world that refuse to deal with their trauma and continue to portray it onto everyone else around them. And it spreads like wildfire, and it's spread way too far at this point. And I just think that people need to take a step back and work on themselves and grow a little bit
Maryann Samreth 47:00
of empathy. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I feel like empathy is one thing that unites us all connects us all together, and gives us that feeling of belonging, because when we understand others, we can also understand ourselves better.
Emily Elizabeth 47:14
Yeah. 100%. And makes you realize that at the end of the day, no matter how different or how, you know, far from each other we are when it comes to emotions, or political views, or anything, that we're just human at the end of the day, and that we have more in common than we think.
Maryann Samreth 47:31
Yeah, definitely. So for anyone that struggling with their mental health right now are just starting their, their healing journey, what advice do you have for them?
Emily Elizabeth 47:42
Hmm, don't be afraid to ask for help. And don't be afraid to talk about it with people that are close to you, or an anonymous human. Because that's something that I did not do for majority of my life. And that's why I chose alcohol, because it was the easy way. And I didn't have to talk about it. And I could just drink away my problems and have fun, and you know, whatever, and make memories that I don't remember. So my advice to anyone that's struggling right now is to number one, no, it's okay to ask for help. And that you should not feel embarrassed, even though you probably will. But it will feel so much better talking about it with someone, or finding some type of help, then, if you don't, and to, this is something else that I've learned. And I continue to learn over and over again. Because again, when you have mental health stressors, I really like that you're gonna continue to have shitty days. And unfortunately, that's just how life is. And when you are in those low mindsets or low moments, it's really hard to remember that it's just a moment. It's just a small experience within the bigger picture. And so my, my advice to you would be to just continue to try and remind yourself or have other people remind you that it will get better that this is just like a phase, if you will, you know, it's like after the storm, like you have a big storm, right? It's scary. It's loud, it's shitty, it's inconvenient, you know, but afterwards, usually more oftentimes not the sun will come out, or at least the rain will go away and all the noise will stop. And it's exactly the same with your mental health. So just keep going and keep working on yourself. Because it's worth it. You're worth it.
Maryann Samreth 49:28
That was so inspiring. Thank you so much for coming on the show. How can my followers that connect with you? Where can they find you on Instagram?
Emily Elizabeth 49:39
Yes, so Instagram is primarily my main platform, but I do have a link tree in my bio at the wandering mind podcast. So you can check me out there. There's all different types of resources on my link tree. So
Maryann Samreth 49:53
yeah, amazing. Well, thank you so much for coming on.
Emily Elizabeth 49:56
Thank you for having me. This was I am just so honored You asked me to come on the show. I was super excited. And I love doing these interviews. It's really fun and I love chatting with you. So thank you so much. Yes, of course.
Maryann Samreth 50:19
We all have a story to tell and I want to thank you for listening to Emily's journey. I'm Marianne symmetric trauma writing coach and founder of sincerely Miss Mary. I hope Emily's episode was a reminder to be human and listen to your intuition. Your intuition is always right. And another big takeaway from our episode is that there is nothing wrong with you if you are challenged with anxiety, depression, ADHD, bipolar disorder, there is nothing wrong with you and it is not your fault that you have these mental health stressors in a world that wasn't made for us that isn't nurturing towards our emotional well being. So please remember that if you are challenged with any of these mental health stressors, there is nothing wrong with you. I really hope you enjoyed this episode. All of Emily's information will be in the show notes and episode webpage. You can follow her on Instagram at the wandering mind podcast. Please go listen to her podcast. It is another great resource for mental health. And she has incredible guests. Check out her upcoming merch line on Instagram and details of her mental health festival happening in Louisville, Kentucky in May of 2022. If you liked this episode, please leave me a review on Apple podcast and Spotify. You can also follow me on Instagram and Tik Tok at sincerely Miss Mary and if you want to work with me one on one, I do my homework writing coaching in Symantec wellness writing coaching. You can find those details on my show notes as well. I hope you all have an amazing week and thank you so much for listening
