S1:E9: Become Your Favorite Wedding Date

In this episode I tell my story about going to my friend’s wedding solo for the first time and how this was the start of me falling in love with myself.

Transcript

Intro:
Welcome to Mental Breakthrough, a memoir podcast about owning our most vulnerable stories so we can live a life of authenticity.

I’m Maryann Samreth, the woman behind the pen name, Sincerely Miss Mary. Together, I take you through my healing journey as I share stories of moving through pain to get to the other side where the light shines again.

In this season, I carry you moment to moment, starting with a tumultuous breakup, then multiple breakdowns, and eventually a breakthrough.

I share stories of how my gift of writing guided me through the darkest moments of my life, leading me to reconnect with my Cambodian ancestors and break the cycle of generational trauma.

There is power in storytelling and sharing our vulnerabilities with the world. It opens doors to cultivate deeper connections with others on the same journey so we can heal as a collective.

By sharing my truths, I pave the way for others to feel safe sharing theirs. We all have a story to tell. Stories that can be someone’s silver lining. Stories of hope.

Episode Intro:
In this episode I tell my story about going to my friend’s wedding solo for the first time and how this was the start of me falling in love with myself.

Society pressures us to attach our worth outside of ourselves which made me feel like I was more worthy when I was in a relationship even through the relationship was toxic.

We are all capable of giving ourselves everything we wish someone else would give us. I hope this episode inspires you to fall in love with yourself.

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you are still deserving of the love you give to others. Self-love is powerful and we are all deserving of experiencing our shining light.

Episode 9: Become Your Favorite Wedding Date

I used to think being in a relationship meant I was more worthy.

I used to think I was cooler with a man around my arm.

I used to think I was complete, whole, and fulfilled being in love with a partner who I would spend the rest of my life with.

Boy…was I wrong.

I’m so grateful to be wrong.

I’m so grateful I no longer need a prince charming to sweep me off my feet and solve all of my problems…because I am my own prince charming capable of rescuing myself…and that my dear friends is called personal development.

I’m so grateful things didn’t work out the way I had expected them to because if my path followed my expectations, what a waste to be alive.

Life happens for you not to you.

The beauty of the unexpectedness forces you to be present in moments that make you feel alive.

The extreme moments of life wake you up to the present.

As fucked up as my breakup was with all of the trauma, sabotaging, and events out of my control, I had never felt more alive living in a series of disparity in the summer of 2019.

It woke me up to how fucking amazing I am. Period.

Right after my breakup, I went to a co-worker’s wedding solo for the first time, with two other amazing female friends of mine.

At first, I was self-conscious about going to weddings by myself, because for the past 5 years I always had a plus one…and now my plus one, was me, myself, and I.

Going to this wedding with 2 of my closest friends made for a night to remember.

I highly recommend female friend dates for a wedding. They will unconditionally lift you up, remind you of how amazing you are, and put up with your drunken dysfunction…

Once again, shoutout to Liana for not only putting with my shenanigans but enjoying it and reminding me of all the hilarious moments she witnessed that night at our co-workers wedding.

Here are some highlights:

-I sabotaged a life-size Jenga game by aggressively knocking down the entire beautiful, constructed set…sorry to the ones that were playing

-I threw a wine glass in the bonfire pit…I’m so sorry for any damages I caused

-I persuaded Liana to drive me to Taco Bell after the wedding, and then ending up not eating it that night because I somehow passed out in the bathtub

I can’t help but laugh at my reckless but hilarious behavior that night. It was very unlike me, but also, I think it speaks to how much freedom I was feeling now that my abusive ex was out of my life including his dysfunction.

Even though the end of the night was blurry, I remember feeling so loved and supported by my friends.

I remember feeling that shift from in insecurity to joy as I began to fall in love with my solitude of going to this wedding solo.

This was the beginning of not only being at peace with solitude, but thriving off it.

Yes, I will still in pain from a traumatic breakup at the time, but I was also at peace with where I was in my journey. I was so surprised with how good I was starting to feel by being alone for the first time.

For so long, I equated being alone with death. I was so scared to do life alone that I held myself back from experiencing my own greatness.

You know who gets to experience your greatness? The people that love and support you unconditionally.

It’s time you love yourself the way others love you.

When you’re in a toxic relationship, you forget your potential. You forget your greatness because you continue to attach your worth to your partner, and when they’re unhealthy for you, it just gets messy because you’re staying in a place that’s keeping you stuck and away from knowing your worth.

Codependency was my toxic trait because I let a man overshadow my shining light.

Choosing to go to weddings by myself that year allowed me to finally experience my own light. To finally see it for myself.

Becoming your favorite wedding date…and just your favorite date to all aspects of your life, is a reminder that you do not need anyone to have fun, to feel loved, or to be complete.

You are already whole just as you are.

So, If you’re in a season of solitude. Fall in love with it.

Do things alone.

Go to dinner alone.

Go to Paris alone (when the pandemic is over).

You will not die, by experiencing the joys of life alone, if anything, you’re going to feel alive more than you ever had in your life.

To do what most people are afraid of is brave. If you can fall in love with your solitude, you win.

As for me, starting my season of solitude by becoming my favorite wedding date, was the beginning of cultivating happiness on my terms.

It was the beginning of freedom.

When you get to this place of healing, you can look back and be in awe of how far you’ve come to heal, love, and choose yourself.

When I look back at who I was when I was with my abusive partner, I just think of how grateful I am to have broken those toxic belief systems for good so I could have the life I deserve.

I look back and I remember how I use to believe I was cooler

With a man around my arm

I used to believe I was beautiful

With a man around my arm

I used to believe I was complete

With a man around my arm

Little did I know

I was already cool

I was already beautiful

I was already complete

As I am

So in an instant

I drop the shadow of a man

Like expired arm candy

With my chin up and my headstrong

I stand alone

Exactly as I am

Cool. Beautiful. Complete.

Outro:
We all have a story to tell and I want to thank you for listening to mine. I’m Maryann, the woman behind the pen name, Sincerely Miss Mary.

Thank you all for listening to my story. If you liked this episode please leave me a review. You can follow me on TikTok and Instagram @ sincerelymissmary and download my free breakup workbook, link is also in shownotes.

I hope you all are feeling empowered to become your favorite wedding date, learn to fall in love with yourself, and be your own best friend. When you’re in this place, you will feel like anything is possible.

I will talk to you all next week